A "Hot Take" on Resolutions

Help yourself by helping someone else

When I launched this Substack in May, I committed to publishing a new post every month. I was successful in keeping that mid-year resolution, up until December. The whirlwind of a “late” Thanksgiving, preparing for the holidays and a vacation with my family quickly brought me to today, December 31st, without having shared a new essay.

I woke this morning with a vague sense of having let myself down in this regard, and that’s not the greatest feeling to carry into a new year. So herewith I offer a short essay (a “hot take” as my kids might say) on a topic - resolutions - and my perhaps controversial assertion: don’t make them.

Of course, if you want to work on any personal goals - around health and wellness, your career or creative endeavors, spending less, traveling more - have at it. I maintain lots of those goals (like publishing on this Substack monthly and others) that I will work to achieve in 2025, but I’m not setting any unrealistic expectations for myself. Traditional resolutions typically fail in the first few months. Too much pressure with a bar set too high, and let’s face it - it’s a New Year but it’s the Same You. None of us need any more reasons to feel guilt, shame or self-doubt. Let’s all go gently into 2025, with compassion for ourselves and others.

Which brings me to my suggestion for the anti-resolution list for the new year:

Make a list of all the people, and all the ways, you may be able to help this year.

I know - this is super “on the nose” for me and my work promoting family and youth service and philanthropy, but hear me out.

Last week, I looked back on the last year and made a month-by-month list of my accomplishments. I learned this exercise from my friend Amy Groome during her 2023 “mid-flight” coaching workshop. I used my calendar, Instagram feed, photo library, LinkedIn and other social media as reminders of what I had done each month of 2024. And while I noted many successes, goals met and small wins, I was struck by one clear fact: the events and achievements that made me most proud were the ones that benefitted someone else.

I hosted gatherings for two talented friends, Dara Levan and Heidi Johnson, who published their first books. I worked on a successful fundraiser for Riley’s Way, an organization devoted to cultivating the next generation of kind leaders. I wrote letters of recommendation and made introductions. I conducted an interview on Katie Couric Media with a young cancer patient (who passed shortly after my article was published), raising awareness around the increase in young-onset colorectal cancer.

I felt great about having done good things for other people. And isn’t that always the way? As the title of my colleague Jenn Klein’s book says, Giving is Selfish. When the navel gazing and self-flagellation become too much, I try and turn my gaze outward, and it always makes me feel better.

So that’s my case for the anti-resolution. When I look for ways to make meaningful connections, to uplift and amplify, my successes compound, and so does my joy.

As we wrap up the Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa holidays, I am reminded of one of my favorite phrases.

A candle’s light is never diminished by lighting another candle. In fact, in sharing our light, our fire burns even brighter.

May we all burn brighter - bringing a little more light to a dark world - in this new year.